Heartache

​

Heartache can come to mothers in many different forms. It can be the 

 

loss of a pregnancy, a difficult diagnosis of a child, disappointment from 

 

our spouse, a traumatic childbirth experience, or for many other reasons. 

 

From work with postpartum parents over the years who have suffered 

 

heartache, I have observed that despite the differing grades of heartache 

 

it is ultimately acceptance of the cause of the heartache that is most useful 

 

for those suffering to reach some peace. 

 

 

 Acceptance does not mean approval of whatever precipitated the 

 

heartache but rather, the deep understanding that what has occurred may 

 

be different than what was expected for the moment, and may possibly be 

 

permanent.

 

 

One of the ways to achieve acceptance is by mustering up the courage to 

 

experience the heartache head-on, versus avoiding the heartache through 

 

the use of alcohol, anger, compulsive eating or shopping, for example. It 

 

is not easy to face discomfort, but short term and long term, our choice to 

 

face rather than to avoid is critical to our well being and that of our family. 

 

One of the ways to face the pain of heartache is by finding the support 

 

of others to share your grief with. Our families and friends often are 

 

the recipients of our feeling and thoughts when we are in the midst 

 

of heartache. Sharing our experience often creates more intimate 

 

relationships and a new found capacity for compassion. It may be 

 

especially useful to share with partners/spouses so that we don't distance 

 

ourselves from those who are closest to us. 

 

 

In addition, there are several interactive electronic domains to share with 

 

those who have had similar, if not identical events as ours. This can prove 

 

comforting at those times that we may need feedback from others who 

 

may be further along in the healing process than we are. Sometimes just 

 

knowing that we are not alone can be helpful.

 

 

There are also those times when professional intervention can be useful 

 

to help clarify and make sense of confusing and overwhelming incidents in 

 

our lives. 

 

 

Finally, keeping a journal to record our feelings and behaviors can be a 

 

healing activity. Writing our deepest felt thoughts and feelings can often 

 

bring us to more meaningful levels of awareness than the spoken word. 

 

For those who are inclined towards the arts, I strongly encourage drawing 

 

or painting something that represents some aspect of your heartache. 

 

This can be soothing and help to process the confusion and overwhelming 

 

feelings that often accompany heartache.

 

 

All of these suggestions can be instrumental in helping us to reach the 

 

acceptance of our personal heartaches. Acceptance allows for a quieting 

 

down of the anger, resentment, fear, sorrow, anxiety or depression. It 

 

offers some space for tolerance and peace in our lives. 

 

No one is free of heartache in this life. It is how we choose to cope with 

 

heartache that will make the difference for us. We, as mothers, certainly 

 

deserve to achieve acceptance and to continue moving forward in our lives 

 

for the benefit of ourselves and our families.